Growing up in rural New England, the phrase “April showers bring May flowers” was a meteorological fact. It usually rained a lot in April, then things bloomed in May. But as I got older, I realized people used that line to suggest that hardship eventually gives way to joy. As a Black/bi-racial transracially adopted person in a majority white community, feeling sadness and discomfort wasn't seasonal—it was a regular feeling all year long.
The tears showered down my cheeks easily. I cried when I was sad, mad, hurt, or confused. Sometimes I had no idea why I was crying.
As I grew, I was labeled a "cry baby," "dramatic," and an "attention-seeker." My emotions were in direct contrast to my adoptive family, where folks almost never cried. What they didn't understand was that my tears weren't manufactured simply for attention; they were the manifestation of emotional pain and confusion related to ambiguous loss, disenfranchised grief, and identity confusion.
In the 70s, child welfare professionals didn't talk to adoptive parents about the impact of early life trauma or separation. The conventional wisdom was that a baby under a year old should just be "happy and well” after being adopted.
The Data Behind the "Rain" Today, we have the data to understand what I felt then. Research from the Center for Adoption Support and Education (C.A.S.E.) underscores the unique mental health journey of our community:
Higher Utilization: Adopted children are 2 to 5 times more likely to be referred for mental health services compared to their non-adopted peers.
Complex Origins: Statistics show that roughly 12% to 14% of adopted children are diagnosed with ADHD, and many experience symptoms related to post-traumatic stress, often rooted in early separation and loss.
The Need for Support: Studies indicate that up to 70% of adoptive families seek some form of therapeutic support to navigate the complexities of identity, attachment, and trauma.
These numbers aren't meant to cause alarm; they are meant to offer validation. They prove that the "April showers" of emotion many adopted children experience are a predictable part of their development and healing.
Today, I still cry a lot. But now I know why.
There is a lot to cry about these days, and the state of the world leaves many of us at a loss. But I have learned that there are "May flowers" of truth and brightness on the other side of that release. We can create more of that for children when, as caregivers and parents, we resist the urge to label them and instead recognize the sadness is the impact of trauma.
Navigating the "April Showers" at Home
To help children move from the "storm" to the "bloom," consider these shifts in perspective:
Audit the Labels: When a child is highly emotional, notice if you instinctively use words like "dramatic" or "attention-seeking." Replace those labels with an acknowledgment of stress and identity bewilderment.
The "Both/And" of Tears: Remember that a child can love the family that is present and still feel deep grief for their origins. Tears are not a rejection of you; they are a recognition of pain and emotion.
Check Your Own "Weather": Before reacting to a child’s emotions, check your own emotional "grip" connected to adoption. Are you comfortable with sadness? Your ability to sit with your own "April showers" can determine how safe your child feels in theirs.
Create Safe Release Zones: Normalize that crying is a necessary, beautiful release. Sometimes, just sitting with a child in their "rain" without trying to "fix" it is the most healing thing you can do.
Meet Our Featured Presenter for Camp 2026: Bryan Post
We are thrilled to announce that Bryan Post will be joining us at camp again this year! An adopted person and former foster youth himself, Bryan is one of America’s foremost experts on child behavior and adoption.
Bryan’s "Love-Based Parenting" model is a paradigm shift. He moves away from traditional behavior modification and focuses on the Stress Model—helping parents understand that what looks like "acting out" is actually a brain-based response to fear and trauma. Having Bryan with us is a game-changer for any parent who has felt exhausted by the "Great Behavior Breakdown."
Register for Together on the Journey Family Camp now to secure your spot! We’ll be announcing more presenters in the coming weeks. Register Now!
Don’t Miss Our April Parent Session!
Join us for the TRJ Monthly Parent Meet-up. We welcome parents and extended family to the session.
What: TRJ Parent Support & Connection Session
When: Wednesday, April 15th | 7:30 PM – 8:30 PM EST
Where: Online via Zoom
Sign Up: Head to the calendar to register and receive the link.