Most Mother’s Day cards are written for a world of "one." One mother, one bond, one uncomplicated story. But my life has always been a story of "many."
Before I reached the arms of the mother who raised me, I was held by Helen, my mother of origin. Next, a foster mother held and looked after me. For those first few precious months, she was the steward of my safety. When it was time for me to leave, she didn't simply hand me over; she left detailed notes of my routine and wrote in those notes that I was very hard to give up.
In the adoption community, we often talk about the "two mothers" - the mother of origin and the mother of experience. But this May, I want us to look at the whole ecology of care. I call May the "mother of all months" not just because of the emotional tension, but because it forces us to recognize that for an adopted person, care comes from many hands.
Auditing Your Mothering Landscape
To move beyond the standard Mother's Day narrative, I invite you to think about mothering not as a static identity, but as a cultural practice that needs to be "customized" for the child entrusted to you. Ask yourself:
What is my "Mothering Heritage"? We often parent the way we were parented. But does the child in your home—with their unique history, culture, and trauma—need a different kind of mothering than the one you received?
Am I the Bridge or the Destination? You are the steward of connections, not the person erasing them. Are you helping your child maintain the ties to their "many hands," or are you asking them to choose just one?
Who Validates My Motherhood? If you rely on your child to validate your role through their gratitude or performance on Mother’s Day, you are placing a weight on them they weren't meant to carry. Own your celebration so they don’t have that extra expectation.
This May, I am holding space for the original mother I miss in my bones, the foster mother who held me in those first few months, and the mother whose heart and confidence sustained me.
When we embrace the "many," we stop competing with the past and start building a more honest and healthy future where there doesn't have to be only one mother or mother figure.
Register for Together on the Journey Family Camp 2026
"I wish my parents had more tools in their parenting toolbox." I said this in a recent podcast, and it’s the reason TRJ Family Camp exists. We are down to our final few spots!
Featured Presenter: Bryan Post We are thrilled to welcome back Bryan Post! Bryan will lead sessions on his "Love-Based Parenting" model. If you’ve struggled with the "Great Behavior Breakdown," Bryan’s trauma-informed approach is the tool you’ve been looking for.
Register today—only a few spots remain!
Don’t Miss Our May Parent Session!
Join us for our monthly space of support and connection.
What: TRJ Parent Support & Connection Session
When: Wednesday, May 13th | 7:30 PM – 8:30 PM EST
Where: Online via Zoom